BATHROOM BLOG 002 – Mobil Gas Station, Pico Rivera, Ca.
One of the many perks I experience as a touring musician is the joy of getting to relieve myself at all manner of gas stations along the highways of America. The gas station bathroom is a unique phenomenon that covers the gamut all the way from Godly luxury to festering poop sty. Near the bottom of this exceptionally deep barrel is the dreaded “its around back, heres the key” bathroom that can be found lurking near the exits of most major highways.
The Mobil in Pico Rivera is a particularly rank specimen. After the rounding the corner, the lucky traveler is greeted with a hand lettered ‘out of order’ sign. He then has the pleasure of waiting uncertainly for several minutes before knocking on the door to see if it is out of order or merely occupied and, hearing an embarrassed grunt from the other side of the door. Upon finally entering (whilst studiously avoiding eye contact with whoever is leaving), he finds the room illuminated by a flickering fluorescent light, which is probably a blessing given the state of the walls. The floor is either grey or just really, really dirty, and an empty beer can is the only thing in the garbage. But its been hours since his last bathroom break, so the traveler is concerned only with getting to the urinal.
And what a kingly urinal it is! Apparently some frustrated entrepreneur once, in a last desperate act of self-sabotage, designed a urinal in a colour other than white, and the sickly blue monstrosity the resulted is displayed proudly here. Upon stepping up to it, it becomes uncomfortably clear that the urinal is not in fact connected to any kind of plumbing (although a fixture slightly above it on the wall suggests that it was once, in better days, possible to flush). Our hypothetical traveler is surprised at this juncture to note that the sink is still firmly attached to the wall, and the tap dispenses water that appears to be relatively clean. He thanks providence for small favours, and then goes back to his van to spend the next several hours in traffic, cursing his luck.
Cleanliness: 3/10
Amenities: 3/10
Décor: 2/10
Functionality: 4/10
I really, really, needed to pee and would have been happy with a small hole or reasonably isolated flower pot: 10/10
FINAL GRADE: 22/50